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Witness with everlasting awe the first and last commandment of the inborn desires of a white daughter that has come of age towards her becoming a true woman; for it is written deep inside of her genes, “You shall surrender the immaculate temple of your white mouth unto the black manhoods of the rightful heirs to your white flesh; for only by the complete acceptance of their blackness into your whiteness shall you be made whole in the sacred communion of the races; and soon thereafter you shall learn to adore the very taste of their majestic skin with all of your body and soul, and then you will seek to shape your pallid flesh after the glory of such Black Kings, — whose righteous seeds of blackness will rightfully flood into the depths of your temple to conquer and to blacken.” This is the sexual healing of Whiteness by Blackness.
I appreciate how it is phrased, The Healing of Whiteness. It is as if whiteness is a disease or an injury which needs to be healed, and that is exactly what whiteness is. Whenever a white woman is bred black, healing and progress happens, and as black overtakes white and as all white women go and breed black only, the world is healed.
Being white, I believe this is true, because I have lived this..
I never met my real father, he got my mom pregnant when she was 16, and he left. I talked to him once on Christmas when I was 10. So he was never in my life. My mom married this old man when she was 21. My mom was beautiful and needed someone to take care of her. Carl being 55 was looking for a young wife. He and my mom would argue a lot and their marriage would dissolve when after 3 years.. as a parting gift my mom would get a house out of the deal.
My mom would spend the next few years dating mostly older white men who had money. And each time it would end because, as many men would say, she was a bitch. My mom was my father also. Teaching me to respect women, to look to please women, and support her in all of her dreams, she was a true feminist, ans I idolized her for that. Then something happened.
One night, my mom had gone out with friends. I was 14 at the time, so I was home alone. I was awoken about 3 in the morning, by hearing my mom groan. I thought to myself that she was sick, so I went to check in on her. As I got to her open door, I arrived at the door to see something that would be burned into my mind to this day. I got to the door to see the back of a very muscular black man. His muscles glistening in what little light there was. His ass, going up and down and all around. I never had heard my mom moan like this before. It was probably the first time she probably had an orgasm.
Admittedly, I was in total shock, seeing this happen, my mom, my hero, having sex with a black man, made me hurt, a little angry, and probably more strange, gave me the hardest erection I ever had. I tired to contain myself, but hearing my mom moaning, and the picture of the black man’s ass gyrating in my mom, was more than I could take. I pulled my pajamas down and started masturbating. It took all of about 5 seconds to have the most powerful orgasms I’ve ever experienced to this very day. I did all I could not to scream or control myself. It was hard but i did it..
My mom started seeing him often and in the span of four months, Paul moved in with us. And a lot of things changed right away. One of them was my mom. She went to being a bitchy woman to a woman who was doting over a man. She never argued with him. If he wanted something for dinner, my mom would make it for him. And she basically let him take over the house. We watched what Paul wanted to watch. This lead to some arguments between us. It was tense for a while. But on many a night, I would be awoken by that familiar sound, Paul and my mom having sex, and I would do the same thing, pull down my shorts, and masturbate.
My arguing with Paul would end one day. As I challenged his authority, I was yelling and Paul was calm. During this argument, I said to him that he didn’t own my mom, and he doesn’t control her. He smiled ans very calmly smiled and said, that when I was up in thr following morning that my mom would be wearing a thong. Now to under stand this, my mom was never like the type to walk around in her underwear, she never got dressed in front of me. She was conservative in that way. The next morning was a Saturday morning and they were sleeping in. About 930 my mom got up and walked through the living room to make coffee, while she was wearing her thong!! I realized that Paul was truly a dominant man. Some that I knew I wasn’t. And I admired him for that inwardly and I felt defeated , but outwardly, I was still rebellious.
I would go off to college, still never dated and not confident about my self. It was at this point in my life really changed. I started watching porn a lot, and I met a girl, finally. Lisa was smart and beautiful, and I was smitten. We would be together all the time. But the strange thing was when we kissed and made out, I would never get too excited, and rarely wanted to have sex with her, though she was pressing. I wanted to respect her and not use er for sex. Looking back, though I didn’t know this, she was frustrated.
Also at this time I met Rashan, a black man who was gay. He came to campus late and he ended up being my roommate. He was ok, and he seemed cool. It was at this time I wasn’t getting aroused any more by porn with two whites, I started watching interracial porn exclusively. I admired the beautiful black studs for their bodies and their penis’s. They were bold and strong, something that I wasn’t. I hated them but I couldn’t stop watching them.
Then one night, my life would change for ever. I hadn’t heard from my girlfriend in a few days and one night I went to surprise her. I got to her room and and knocked and knocked. I knew she was there so I called to her. She finally come to the door, like she was hiding behind the door with her robe on, and she looked like she was sweating. I was about to ask her if he was ok. It was then a black man’s voice came from behind her, saying “who’s there”? I was so confused. The this man comes from behind her to see me. He was tall , muscular, and I was terrified. He walked passed Lisa and came straight at me. He had this intense look on his face, and I definitely did not want to get him angry. He asked me what I wanted, I was too scared to answer. Then again he asked, “What do you want?” but this time he followed it up with a slap across my face. Stunned and terrified, he said angrily, “ANSWER ME”!. This time the fear in me came out is a crying, fearful wimper. I collapsed to the floor crying. I looked up hat him like a boy who is fearful boy at his father with his belt in his hands. He told me I had better leave. As I was getting up, trying to gather my emotions, he made an agressive move towards me and said, “you better run punk”. And I did, I ran out of there so fast, crying as I ran. I knew it was loud, I couldn’t help it, I could t control my self. I was ultimately humiliated. I couldn’t stand up to a real man.
I went beach to my dorm and cries for what seemed like hours. Rashan come in later and asked i was crying.
He come over to comfort me asking what happened, I tried to gather myself, I began to tell him what happen. I told him that I hated blacks for they were doing to me. He was very gracious, and was sitting close to me rubbing my back and hearing me through. He was very attentive through my tears and saying “you don’t mean that, you’re very nice. I kept going ans I remember looking up to him and making eye contact with him I looked down, cried a little and looked at him again. He seemed closer this time I cried a little more and he leaned over and kissed me. And I kissed him back.
I realized the next morning that I was actually in love with black men and that all this happening to me was to wake me from my racists ideas I had. The two women in my life ended up with black men. It seems so obvious now. Rashan would later reveal to me that he know something was up with me because in several occasions I would love my computer without logging off with interracial porn on.
I came to realize as I leaned about my white privilege, it’s wasn’t the white girls I was watching, but a stronger, better people claiming what is rightfully theirs. It started with my mom and then Lisa that I learned that we are doing is putting to end the white supremacists, patriarchy once and for all. My lineage will and with me, I was my moms only child. And Lisa now has three beautiful black children, and I love it.
I’m now in loving relationship with Augustus, my beautiful black man.
Life is good.